one year

A year ago, I won the Princess Of The Hills Award: Or something like that. I got to wear a Tiarra. Cyn is so cool like that.


I am guessing this had something to do with climbing????

Cyn was gracious enough to notice that racing was difficult for me psychologically, but massively successful physically. Last year, she was my 'manager'. She took care of me while I freaked in the face of the sheer numbers of people in the XC race scene. She managed my fears and doubts and freaking insanity at the start lines. She made sure I ate, and drank (and looked decent). She and I pre-rode courses, we pre-inhabited the race town, we pre-road-tripped every weekend before the race weekend. Cyn is a damn good pal. One of the best, hands down.

Tomorrow night is another night ... another Dirt Crit Award night. I am excited to go ride with my partner, and then excited to attend (dirty, sweaty, and post-ride-luminescent) Cynthia's what... 5th year of award giving? This year ought to be interesting. Having abandoned this (2007) follow up year of XC racing, I have been remarkably absent not only from the 'race scene' as I knew it (green girl that i was anyway), I have been remarkably absent from The Presence of Cyn... which leaves a bit of a hole in my heart, as I absolutely love being around her.

I guess 'absent' is not quite the right word. This season (not that I am only a seasonal friend of Cynthia), she was equally deeply there for me ... as a pal, as a guide. This year, Cyn basically saved my ass (among other deeply supportive gestures). Sometime between the hours of 11pm and 12 am one particular night this last spring, Cynthia answered her phone when I rang from the edge of NoWhere in the midst of a ToBeBrilliant Ride, calling Cyn in the middle of the night. Cyn delightfully hopped out of her comfy bed, and hauled her ass out into the middle of the desert and picked my sorry ass up. I was afraid of the dark. I was afraid of the darkness inside, as well as the claustrophobic feeling of the darkness that was surrounding me. Cyn saved me. There is no way to express or explain the internal situation from which she simply saved me. She was simply There. I will never be able to repay her.

Not only that, but she gave me this super cool, super comfy, totally sexy wool jersey to wear in the process (Cyn, you should know that I wear it: on rides, to bed, on hikes, out on dates with Ed, to the movies, and out to dinner (both fancy and otherwise).

Cyn, thank you.

Cyn, I am posting this blog tonight to warn you: Watch Out! ;-) Awards are fun, and we ALL like giving them to the people we LOVE, adore, admire and ... . You'll just have to wait and see ;-)

more

i wanted to write about another one of my rides in cb. i don' t know which one to pick tho (lucky me).

my experience at work today went something like this: focus-focus-focus (5 minutes), type, focus-focus (2 minutes), transported Psyche and spirit climbing kebler pass to hit the dyke trail. wondering how i can keep this pace up this lovely dirt road to get some of that good stuff i'm so hungry for. absolutely ROOOLLLIIN'!. oh, um, focus-focus-focus (3 minutes) type type type, focus (1 minute), re-breathing the moment of pause at the tip of the dyke trail; soaking in the coolness as is breezes right through me. it's so still and so cool and so quiet. i can hear and feel my heart beating.

ohyeah. focus focus. type focus. damn the trail is like petrified mud bumps and moonscapes. um, focus type type. whack-thwat, the over-grown GREEN and flowery things slapping my arms through the forest and meadows. damn, moving too fast, better keep it in check! feeling clumbsy on the bike and man this is so funny!

phone call. um, who? uh, sure. i'll take care of it in a minute.

and ooooooooooohhhhhh the lush brush of green and color just dense and rich and deep ..... wham! striking the wicked little descents into the streams - SPLASH- and the numb burn of the power-steeps out. note to self: do not eat-it going into one of those things. look ahead. let the bike take it. type type type type type.

you need this document by when? oh, sure. no problem (what IS this person talking about?)

yeeeah. where was i? read read email read type type read focus. these power climbs are so hard when my legs are so tired from the other ride. lots of trees down. this will make the racers wonder. damn there are a lot of bugs ... biting me. they must like my sweat. or is the the wool jersey? or the combination? omg, i have to make it up that!!!! yeeehaw... this is why i ride a pony!

ARGH: focus. focus. focus. F O C U S.

ssllliiideeee ... almost missed the tuuuurrrrn, moving too fast, enjoying too much and smiling too hard ripping thru the somewhat softer, darker, happier dirt. phew. corner corner the aspens are SO TALL! don't look up. look out. never mind the snot. it's steep, and powdery, and freaking phenomenal. and gosh, i'm kinda tired.

type type.

tired. tired. focus. type type type type type. send email. type. focus.

i forgot about that climb back up kebler. ughtype. focus. just one pedal stroke at a time. one pedal stroke at a tiiimmmmeeee.... one more pedal stroke at a time.... my heart beat feels deep, and Good.

tyippity typte type focus sort of focus ...... focust type read send email type type read focus.

good. road is done. now: new single track is alwasy good. no matter what state you're in. take it. take it! it's fast. it's bumpy (still) won't be for long, above the road. wonder how far down this goes. it should go all the way back into town. DOH! missed the corner. off the bike. back up onto the track.

type type focus. phone. igonore it. focus.

this last part is just too giggly fun. beats the hell out of going down a dirt road. stream. rocks. very loose rocks. watch it. steep switches back down to the road. that didn't suck one bit at all. i'm dirty! where are all the people?

type. type......... typppppeeeeee..... focus. a little. close the door to the office.

favorite thing to do after a good ride: lie down and soak it all back in. preferably bordering on a nap. on the porch of this fine sweet home. in the middle of cb. my spirit place.

focused.

back ...

from CBLand ;-). The place that holds my spirit.



It's definitely a special place for most who visit, even briefly.

I had the distinct pleasure of visiting for 10 whole days. As noted earlier, much riding, giggling, socializing, and solo-izing had been accomplished.

I really should have been keeping the blog up to date as the days rolled by. But really, there was no time for that. It's unfortunate, tho, because I might have had a lot to say about each and every day ... and about the magical residue of wheeling around such a grounding, inspiring, touching place as Crested Butte. Not to mention that every ride is a wonderful journey, no matter how painful, minor or seemingly 'regular.' I likely had a lot to say along the way.


Favorite ride: definitely Monday's 50 miler with Missy. We rode from town, and as noted earlier, hit Reno-Flag-Bear-Deadman's. It was, hands down, the most fun and inspiring ride of the week. The climbs were super sweet, and the descents were luscious. I was ON and felt Right and was honoring whatever Flow there was working it's way through the system. I did not stop smiling for a single second ... even in the head-wind back up the highway into CB. We didn't see a single soul out there out on the trails, save for two moto dudes who's power-ponies had decided to break down (aw). The air was sweet and cool. The waters were supremely refreshing (deep crossings!!). And all was well in the Universe ... (this itty bitty corner of it anyway). Missy is AmaZing! Truly a grounded soul and and an angelic spirit. I was lucky to have her company ... lucky to have her as a guide ... lucky to have her as a new friend. I learned a lot from Missy that day.

In fact, the women of CB astound me to no end. I was lucky all the way around to be in such company.


I have not yet processed most of the pictures. In truth, I've sort of not processed the whole experience of being on vacation! Lots of thoughts and evolutions and ... even some tears. Damn, life can be SO GOOD. And right now, I am so grateful.

(<--- this causes great thunder). In fact, thank you, Ed, for causing thunder throughout our spring and summer, throughout our rides, our adventures, our endless hours crossing our glorious State in my little MEWO-car, and for our endless hours of mtbExploration. Thank you for all our moments leading up to this particular ridge line, and this particular afternoon....



The CB Classic was just an amazing event ... to watch (blush). I rode too hard the whole 7 days before hand, and was obviously not going to subject myself to the 100 miles and endlessly vertical push.... I was truly fine w/ not racing, but rather disgruntled at the fact that my body just couldn't keep going? WTF?!??!

Needless to say: It was an honor to get to be there for Ed in his efforts to run the gauntlet of mountains, climbs, heat, competition and biting buggers. I got to run part of the show from the Brick (finish line/loop central), and had an amazingly entertaining day talking with every rider who ventured out to find their own personal oblivion. I envied every last drop of sweat. And it was a joy to get to send each and every one of them off with a blessing of energy and high-spirits. You ALL ROCK!!!

yesterdays rest day

so wednesdays 'lite' rest day turned into an adventure with veronica up and over gothic road... where we parked just a short ways down. we then hiked the 3+ miles all the way DOWN the steep road(which meant an incredible hike back UP)to the old townsite of Crystal... and then onto the old Crystal Mill. MInd you, Veronica is DUE at the end of September....... she is awesome!!

TOdays ride: tony's to uper loop to something else to brush creek road..... to strand to deer creek and hopefully also to snodgrass.

too much fun indeed.

i'm still working with the pics.... as in, they're too big for this slow-a$$ computer.... argh!

it's cool in CB today. nice cloud cover and it rained a bit last night. this will be GOOD for the otherwise dusty trails!

jj

vacation

Saturday:
403 down to the road, up to 401 down 401 thru lower 401 back to town.

Sunday:
baby shower.

Monday:
from town, to reno-flag-bear-deadman's back to town.

Tuesday:
from town, up to irwin, dyke trail, back to town on the sassy new single track.
added in a hike for good measure.

Wednesday:
so far: coffee shop and computer. lite lower-loop casual ride. possibly girls ride tonight.

Thursday:
i'll update when i figure it out. HUGE tho!

missing my partner. loving the cool air. delighting in the VAST and enormous space that CB has to offer. i love it here.

pictures will be coming at some point, i think..... i'm trying.....

can't wait for the race this weekend and all the freaking awesome friends showing up for a lovely weekend in a heavenly place!

jj

consanguinity

somehow, there is continuity between the person in the picture here
<-------

and the person in the picture below (my previous post).

that just astounds me.

shhhhh

it might be time to be quiet

meanwhile:
<---- the beginning

the one thing

there are so many things i could write about. although, i feel an inadequate capacity (tonight) to get it all in one spot ... in any effective manner, anyway. so this'll have to do.

huge kudos to those finishing ... well, all those riding the KMC. Damn, Kids, that looks like it was the primo-event. Glad you all had so much fun. Dave and M: NICE JOB. We should all ride sometime, no?

off the tip of my mind, i'd like to honor the following:
all the Truly Brave
the conquering and endlessly driving, pushing, mastering

this weekend's mtbAdventures turned up:
roughly 95 miles and
+/-11,140'

not bad for going into it feeling ... yes, still deeply fatigued.

oddly, mile 30 (of 50) or so on saturday turned things around.
i have no idea why.
sundays climbing, while slow, was still on the plus side of energy.
go figure.

my current theory:
i burned whatever the hell it was OUT of my system.
we'll see if it lasts.

a few moments of miles and other intricacies:

friday nights ride was a wickedly delightful date in the sunset of a taxing week. the trail was sweet and empty; tacky and in great shape; we had a deliciously delightful time weaving the base of the mountain, following the trail of the rainbow, and generally riding giddy through the forest.

saturdays ride started 100% completely innocent. the plan was for a quick trip through this, over to that, down that one road, up to that one trail and then let's see what happens. you'd be surprised one what one can do within 57 miles on and off DIRT around Evergreen. Yup. my favorite parts: single track. that it happened at all. the picnic table. that other bunch of singletack. my favorite (and possibly the most teeny) loop at ... um, that one trail (with the dirt and the rocks and the ... flowers on it). the angel flowers. the picnic table. the climb out of the valley of the picnic table. getting lost when it was my turn to make decisions. blowing out the system and the expectaions and finding a bunch of well-fed drive hiding within.

sundays ride ......... what an amazing day. i think i was high on whatever it was that saturday did to me. as tired as i was, as tired as my legs were ... it all worked WELL. climbing was difficult, but not empty. the energy-spirit seemed to be a little on the playful and manic side. and i enjoyed every single little second of it. again in a world that inhabits the entire first 18 years of my life: we were riding in new territory, and with no one around. despite the plethora of roadies and cars and human busy-ness that bounced around in the spaces around us, in our exploration and trail finding: Z E R O. and freaking blissful.

then, spending father's day celebration 100% completely spent is always fun and adventurous in it's own right. especially the trampoline.

if i had to pick one moment to dwell on ... i'd pick the forest. the brook. the silence. and the infinitude that it held.

if i had to say one thing about this weekend: i'd like to say: Thunder. all the way around and through everything ... and i wish i would have said something about it, in that infinitude.

takes time to pick a place to go

i spent the weekend out, sneaking around on my bike.

physically, saturday felt better than sunday,
but sunday required more ... nerve.

it was well worth it. smiles both days
basking in the sunshine of that awesome
weather that exists in the space
between spring and summer.

i still sport a sunburn.
go figure.

Saturday: 8 hours out in the sunshine
on the bike
with a fair measure of climbing
and endless exploration.

legs felt good. wind was on hold. light was rich. clouds were blossoming. curiosity was expanding. i saw a gangster car and a hideout. i got to watch the humming birds dance. i got to climb a hill that did not match my power-state, and nailed it nonetheless (with pauses). (climbing is the only true measure. i like to spend time in that manner).

sunday: is a secret.
i will never tell.

felt: tired. good, but tired. not as tired as during the week, and not as many cold/chest/sinus issues. but tired. fatigued. and not quite like i know i can.

but the energy is rising!

and i'm scheming.

yes i am.

free

this is what the pony does when i'm not out on the trail, riding.

sick again, and feeling the frustration of inexplicable disorientation.

whyyyyy????

wednesday's work day was miraculously stolen away by a power outage. a free day off work? noooooo??? ohyeah.... bolted as quickly as i could (before the power came back on), and b-lined it to evergreen.

options at that point: ride or hike. chose to hike due to 'funny feeling' in my throat and chest .... that decision proved wise as i found myself with a major energy deficit, as opposed to a rich, full energy surplus. very frustrating.

the hike, however, was brilliant. yet again on a new trail in my old home town. imagine that. yes, ed was guide once again. we covered a good 11 miles total. unfortunately, we were denied a longer hike due to SNOW. yes kids, SNOW completely obliterating the trail, and all possible foray's around the trail. i'm sure ed has pix somewhere and will post them one day, on way or another.

the funny thing about this trail, and this area, is that i used to frequent the area somewhere around there as a child. and by child, i mean ages 7 to 10. we used to go there and play in the river/stream and slide down the rocks. we had the place to ourselves. i can't seem to find that place again. i know it's there, somewhere ... probably as someones back yard. lucky them.

perfect way to spend a surprise day off work!

the lack of energy, however, seems to be taking control, and i find myself not really knowing how to deal or heal or otherwise get myself healthy. i'm stymied. (i think that's a word).

the tree image is just an image that inspired something creative. watch for it in the coming months... pending time to sit with constructive tools, mediums and color. to me, it looks like it's bleeding.


********************************************
entering the forest
of memories
images bouncing forward
and behind again

following the path
both guided and lost
crossing boundaries
of someone elses land

walking with words
breathing in silence
finding the rhythm
of our cadence

being at once
inside and out
reflecting images of joy
and essence

rock. snow. pine.

found

4 days in the saddle: proving positive.

nice little solo jaunt at WR on thurs (as noted earlier):
found me feeling hungry for dirt, trails, sweat, sun ...
found me hungry to have my hands wrapped around my handlebars and grips ...
found me longing for more time with my bike ...
found me pierced with inspiration.

quickie little sprint action on Fri:
found me spiriting up the sweet-sweet hill and then banking turns and ripping back down ...
found me chasing ed and his twisted zen lines...
found me riding in the evening light saturated with springs thick, pillowy clouds ...
found me ready for more.

saturday
found me climbing, and then climbing some more ...
found me re-finding that sweet-sweet climb ...
found me wide-eyed in springs green madness ...
found me basking in motion in the sugary-yellow-light of the perfect spring day ...
found my pace feeling deliberate, and flowing ...
found me warmed up and in the zone after 18 miles ...
found me freaking feeling good after 25 ... and hungry for yet more.

sunday
found me all mtbBlissedout in the middle of New Trail No Where ...
found me smack-dab in the w i d e open range dodging thunderstorms the size of kansas...
found me giggling with the brooks of crystal-cold water ...
found me riding pristinely pined trails with no tracks over roots and rocks and tumbling with joy ...
found me following yet more of ed's zen lines through a pampered forest where one should always only whisper ...
found me grateful to be alive and feeling so well ...
found me digging deep to top the endlessly steep pitches ...
found me honoring my company and thanking my lucky stars ...
found me disoriented and with fresh eyes in an old home-land ...
found me high-thigh deep in a dark, cold river ...
found me in the kingdom of towering Aspens, humble ...
found me finally tapping the extent of my recovering physical energy ...

found me feeling the thunder, in my heart.

patience, missBliss

tonight's practice: having patience with myself.

the cough that has so wrecked me these last 2 weeks ... seems to have no mercy. but i cannot sit still any longer:

530pm, i found myself at white ranch, prepped and primed to take it easy. being off the bike for two weeks has not done anything positive for my mtbSpirit. i find a kind of comfort in the trails at white ranch, having ridden them ad nauseam for years. so i wanted to break back into the roll and play of things in a place that feels like home.

as expected, the trail head was ... full of people. the sky had clouded over, and the temperature was perfect for the pending climbs. i was excitedly anticipating the wacky little set of loops of climbs that i like to put together.......... after a bit of milling about and receiving a gift of GummiBearSweets, ed sent me off to reconnect with my lostMTBmojo .... how did i luck out in such a fantastic way?

i succeeded in taking it easy. legs could have felt much worse. in fact, i think i expected them to feel empty. they weren't empty ... they were flat, but they weren't empty (relief). the cough was there, tho. and that concerned me. topping out, eventually, found me a little freaked that i might never get rid of the cough and cold... feeling empty in energy is not a light thing for me. it scares me. and i panic. however, in all honesty, i was surprised i made it to where i was, and with the mtbSpirit that i had. reconnection gained. successful day.

at the top, in a crowd: one guy on the ground doing sit ups, three racer boiis pacing and chatting, and a few others that had rolled up just as i started chasing said racer boiis down mustang. i really shouldn't be racing or chasing. these efforts cause coughing. and that is BAD.

there is one significant thing about the current state of white ranch: the FLOWERS. if i had a real camera, i likely would have bagged the effort to hit all my loops, and gladly walked to take physical note of the the thick blanket of color and blossom. what a sight to behold, considering this area is usually bone-dry, hot, dusty. (ed, you really should head out there tomorrow and take your camera with you... i could meet you there again!?!?!).

anyway. the practice in patience will have to continue for the next few weeks. i must remember that it is going to take me a little while of deliberately kind effort to get back into my usual pace of things.

more so, i must remember that it's O K A Y that it takes me a while to get there.

eye of the storm

It's almost June. Like, really, it IS June. Which means I'm off track.

Being sick has a way of depressing me to no end. It sits me down, shuts me up and pretty much renders me useless and still. Still is difficult. And I don't like it one bit.

Having not completed the 142, and then being enveloped in a heavy chest cold has gotten me off center, and I am thus behind the game on my bike. Darn it all to ffing hell.

The RESET button has been hit, and tomorrow afternoon begins my repeated efforts towards ... the way I like my mtbMe to Be.

So. Enough of that.

It seems that this little here experiment (JenyJoMTBlog) has hit the airwaves and is no longer my private little testing ground. How exciting! Thus, I have added links to my most frequented www spaces. I would like to honor you all because I've been following you (well, your writing ... or so you think), and have employed your words of wisdom, your candid advice, your dreams and your mtbInpirations most thoroughly. Cheers to you all, for lighting fires.

I thought that I was going to have a full weekend of MTBmaddness to post about. Such is not the case. Instead, the chest cold (and ensuing goo) would not allow me to ride more than a whopping 4 miles on pristine, relatively untouched trail. So be it. I napped in the car for 3 hours, meditated the remaining 3 hours, and have never been more relieved to see my two honorable pals return before dark. (After all, how am I supposed to rescue people on an adventure of an unknown course... riiiiight).

So being on the trail this weekend on my bike was a bust. However, I got to spend the most remarkable day on a trail, on my feet for a good part of the day on Saturday. (Nope, not a single picture.)

Saturday, afoot:
I don't know what to say about a hike that was so incredibly unlike any and every other hike I've been on in my entire life (which have been countless, trust me). Not to mention the fact that I was actually in territory that I grew up in. One ridge over from a trail I've known since kindergarten, I was introduced to a world I've never seen, and in a manner I've never known. I have drafts of poems and abstracts from the day ....... but truly, the experience resides in a wordless realm, eliciting for me a peace that is beyond my ability to explain. Describing it feels like it does not do it justice.

So, for you, a few notes of interest:

buttercups in billions
invisible trails
stalking the call of the wild

tender fields,
pathless
meandering the green edge
of our unknown

the bright sky
sweet with light,
the soft ground,
accepting

the dance of the humming bird
diving
calling a succulent song

my smile
in your shadow
trailing the budding spring
of bluebells and bones

So.That was Sunday. And Monday found me in bed, resting. Things have been so still, and yet so full; the Center at peace, and the edges holding such promise.

evolution

So, this is Ed and I at the start of KTR. This was taken before we left the Mack exit parking lot, roughly around 9pm. I was tremendously happy and excited, and just insanely proud to be starting with the one person with whom I spent so much time preparing for the event. Ed, I find your camaraderie to be deeply grounding and inspiring.

Happy happy happy!

While I've not written a true report, I've written a number of drafts. My previous post is a bit of condensed essence of the moment I ... quit. I'm going to leave it at that. There is more than enough working it's way through my psyche ... the fallout is just not going to wither away and disintegrate. I'm just going to let it simmer there and it will all evolve. For now, I'm going to focus on the deeply happy parts of the whole experience.


So this was the other blessing of happiness of the day and the event: Ed, top 10. Seeing him rip around the last corner into the finish was one of the brightest moments. I was SO happy he was able to finish, and finish strong, and with a huge smile of accomplishment. YOU rock, my friend. And I admire you.

So, I've chosen to treat myself to a little inspiration:












Yes, my pink Truth (Pony) now has pink grips, with white stars. If nothing else, the stars are there for me as a reminder of one pivotal moment. Despite the fact that I actually ordered these before the KTR (perhaps I would not have flipped my lid had I actually HAD my grips by the race ... right), I find them to be a perfect bit of inspiration.

I'm silly. I know. So be it.

darkness

my chest hurts
in the center
and i can't help but think
that i've broken my own heart
when i chose to s t o p
and find solace in stillness
and company

(was the darkness that felt so deep and so wide
the darkness around me
or the darkness within me?
and if whithin, how could i not choose to go forth
shed light, and grow?
for that feels like the True Failure here
one of two hugely bottomless disappointments)

it's unfortunate the company of stars
was not enough
for the Infinite space that surrounded me
was full of billions
glimmering