i am 32 flavors and then some

20 miles
2 hours
2000' v
2 ani cd's

all that fall-ridin' while (and i do mean every last second of those two hours), i had the "little boxes" song rolling and rolling, round and round, pointedly making it's way through my head. (little boxes, little boxes, little boxes made of ticky tacky.......) argh. you really do need to listen to the song to get the full insanity of 2 solid hours of it....

i've been reading everyones posts about their respective season finale -- the closing of a big year of big races, big rides, and big, satisfying exhaustion. what a year it's been for everyone!!!! i think i find adam's poetic, deep re-caps, and dave harris' well explored ruminations ... not to mention dave c's mind-blowingly succinct and wide stories to be ... just so damn enlightened... and lucky.

i definitely feel like this 'mountain biking season' is coming to a 'close.' but by 'close' i mean that it's about to start all over again. knowing ed, we'll be on the trail all winter long....... exploring the deeply wooded roads via snow pack and and warm gloves ;-)

but i have to say ... i'm tired. i'm wrong tired. i'm tired like i've never been tired before ... and while this sounds like the typical 'end of the season' tiredness...... it so completely isn't. i wish i was in the midst of that big, satisfying exhaustion of a mtb season well spent and hammered on (not that i didn't ride like a crazy-woman this spring-summer-fall). this tiredness has hung with me for months (like a year and a half -- since the middle of xc race season last summer) ... too many months. i have no tangible explanation (food? fatigue? me? head? body? whatwhatwhat??!!?), and everything i've tried seems to make it worse. i can't tell if it's rest time (like go grab the tele skis and running shoes and just hide the bike from myself for a good two/three months... or rest like do nothing), or if there is something else wrong. perhaps another visit to the dr. i just don't know.

so outside of feeling slower than i ever have in my entire life, todays ride was insanely gorgeous: AirBliss. LightBliss. ColorBliss. SunBliss. I even added a little PonyBliss by changing out the stem ... the new bike position: i love. ticky-tacky/little houses insanity song aside, it was truly a roll through the beauty of our world in this universe. the light was spectacular.

so, ed and i had started/stopped at the same point again... only this time i cut my ride a good 2 hours short. i'm that tired. and i hung out in the shade and breeze .... listening to music.

i worked my way through 2 ani difranco cd's, and burned that freaking little ticky-tacky song out of my head. now i have her 32 flavors lyrics finding their way through my everything. i wish there was a way to post the actual music....

tomorrow i get to venture to summit to see veronica and her darling little baby, wyatt!!! a year ago veronica and i were riding our bikes through cb (where she lives) laughing at ourselves and our lives, wondering if a.) either of us would ever get married, and b.) if we would ever have children. one year later: wyatt. GO VERONICA! she manifested her dreams. and i'm very excited for her.

i'm bringing the skis so i can make turns at the basin on the way home. it will be the silly white-ribbon-of-death sort of experience (early season conditions = one run), but it will be very worth while.... i can't wait to wear a hat!

perhaps i'll put on more ani for the trip up and down the mtn....

tired,
jj