i am 32 flavors and then some

20 miles
2 hours
2000' v
2 ani cd's

all that fall-ridin' while (and i do mean every last second of those two hours), i had the "little boxes" song rolling and rolling, round and round, pointedly making it's way through my head. (little boxes, little boxes, little boxes made of ticky tacky.......) argh. you really do need to listen to the song to get the full insanity of 2 solid hours of it....

i've been reading everyones posts about their respective season finale -- the closing of a big year of big races, big rides, and big, satisfying exhaustion. what a year it's been for everyone!!!! i think i find adam's poetic, deep re-caps, and dave harris' well explored ruminations ... not to mention dave c's mind-blowingly succinct and wide stories to be ... just so damn enlightened... and lucky.

i definitely feel like this 'mountain biking season' is coming to a 'close.' but by 'close' i mean that it's about to start all over again. knowing ed, we'll be on the trail all winter long....... exploring the deeply wooded roads via snow pack and and warm gloves ;-)

but i have to say ... i'm tired. i'm wrong tired. i'm tired like i've never been tired before ... and while this sounds like the typical 'end of the season' tiredness...... it so completely isn't. i wish i was in the midst of that big, satisfying exhaustion of a mtb season well spent and hammered on (not that i didn't ride like a crazy-woman this spring-summer-fall). this tiredness has hung with me for months (like a year and a half -- since the middle of xc race season last summer) ... too many months. i have no tangible explanation (food? fatigue? me? head? body? whatwhatwhat??!!?), and everything i've tried seems to make it worse. i can't tell if it's rest time (like go grab the tele skis and running shoes and just hide the bike from myself for a good two/three months... or rest like do nothing), or if there is something else wrong. perhaps another visit to the dr. i just don't know.

so outside of feeling slower than i ever have in my entire life, todays ride was insanely gorgeous: AirBliss. LightBliss. ColorBliss. SunBliss. I even added a little PonyBliss by changing out the stem ... the new bike position: i love. ticky-tacky/little houses insanity song aside, it was truly a roll through the beauty of our world in this universe. the light was spectacular.

so, ed and i had started/stopped at the same point again... only this time i cut my ride a good 2 hours short. i'm that tired. and i hung out in the shade and breeze .... listening to music.

i worked my way through 2 ani difranco cd's, and burned that freaking little ticky-tacky song out of my head. now i have her 32 flavors lyrics finding their way through my everything. i wish there was a way to post the actual music....

tomorrow i get to venture to summit to see veronica and her darling little baby, wyatt!!! a year ago veronica and i were riding our bikes through cb (where she lives) laughing at ourselves and our lives, wondering if a.) either of us would ever get married, and b.) if we would ever have children. one year later: wyatt. GO VERONICA! she manifested her dreams. and i'm very excited for her.

i'm bringing the skis so i can make turns at the basin on the way home. it will be the silly white-ribbon-of-death sort of experience (early season conditions = one run), but it will be very worth while.... i can't wait to wear a hat!

perhaps i'll put on more ani for the trip up and down the mtn....



human being said...

Abasin is going to be nutty today. Good luck with that.

Jill said...

Nice post. I can understand a little of what you are feeling. An Ani lyric I like:

"They can call me crazy if I fail,
All the chance that I need
Is one in a million
And they can call me brilliant
If I succeed
Gravity means nothing to me
Moving at the speed of sound
Gonna get my feet wet
Until I drown."

Dave Harris said...

Wow. I've only met you once JJ but you struck me as having the energy of a dozen folks. Sure hope you get to the bottom of it and in the meantime I'll send a little your way.

JenyJo said...

Hil: bailed on the basin: too many people, not enough space.

Jill: LOVE the ani lyrics! i've also been hooked on 'Dialate.' Between Ani and MM, we have similar tastes in music. Hope you're keeping warm and dry up there!

DH: nice to hear from you! welcome back (from your recent adventure - tough stuff). yes, usually the energy of a dozen people -- or so;-) not sure why i feel so endlessly fatigued. i'll get it figured out. i have no choice (the desert is calling, as are the tele boards!) hope you're recovering well.

Dave said...

"Buildings and bridges were made to bend in the wind..."

My 10th grade g/f took me to see Ani on the Dilate tour, and ever since....

ssportsman said...

hey Baskin Robbins (+1)

Don't let Ed completely exhaust your legs this winter, we have a little atoning to do next year at the KTR.. I promise not to crash, you promise not to be worn out (until we make it to Fruita)

JenyJo said...

atonement... WELL said, SSman, and yes we do, don't we.
i'll try not to show up wasted tired and still afraid of the dark ;-)

hope you're doing well!